are you an introvert or extrovert? i've always been an introvert. i am awkward around other people. i sometimes don't know how to start a conversation or how to have a good conversation. overall i'm just that one boring friend that others just trying to avoid.
but somehow i try to change myself, well at least give myself a try to talk to people more, or talk to more people. it was hard at first but as i start to get a hang of it, my confident level started to build higher.
i somehow overcome my fear of class presentations, talking to lecturers, answering calls (this is legit), ask strangers question (still trying my best).
if you see me back when i was in high school, you'd probably be shocked at how much i've changed. yeah, i actually fear answering calls from people (usually unknown numbers). but i've somehow got rid of that fear. i don't even know if it is a legitimate fear or not but i thats the truth that actually happened to me.
there are some things that i cannot change. the fact that i prefer being alone. i've get used to being an introvert. and i think one of the factor that contribute to that is i'm the only child. the only friends i actually have are at school. and since my house are quite far from my school, i dont have any friends in my neighborhood, it is a sad truth.
but to be honest, i dont felt as lonely. i always have things that would kept me busy, kept my mind occupied and kind of makes me forget that i'm alone. i also have my family. they are not perfect but they're not the worst. they are giving enough love so i was thankful for that.
being an introvert and being a person who is used to be alone makes me stuck in my own world. it made me ignore others. i didnt do that purposely obviously. i just dont know how to handle it. the next thing i remember, i've done it again. and again. over and over again. i feel bad for those people. i really am.
i sometimes felt like i dont deserve friends. i have this anxiety feeling of how people would think of me. and i hate that. i know there are people who will think i'm such a bitch or something. what can i do. i'm bad with people. and i'm so sorry.
i was grateful i have this blog. at least i can throw my heart out here.
i think i'm on that time of the month huhu
♪ #nowplaying Fxxk Wit Us by Lee Hi ft. Dok2 ♪