Saturday, May 21

used to be alone?

quote, black and white, and manga image

are you an introvert or extrovert? i've always been an introvert. i am awkward around other people. i sometimes don't know how to start a conversation or how to have a good conversation. overall i'm just that one boring friend that others just trying to avoid.

but somehow i try to change myself, well at least give myself a try to talk to people more, or talk to more people. it was hard at first but as i start to get a hang of it, my confident level started to build higher. 

i somehow overcome my fear of class presentations, talking to lecturers, answering calls (this is legit), ask strangers question (still trying my best).

if you see me back when i was in high school, you'd probably be shocked at how much i've changed. yeah, i actually fear answering calls from people (usually unknown numbers). but i've somehow got rid of that fear. i don't even know if it is a legitimate fear or not but i thats the truth that actually happened to me.

but,

there are some things that i cannot change. the fact that i prefer being alone. i've get used to being an introvert. and i think one of the factor that contribute to that is i'm the only child. the only friends i actually have are at school. and since my house are quite far from my school, i dont have any friends in my neighborhood,  it is a sad truth.

but to be honest, i dont felt as lonely. i always have things that would kept me busy, kept my mind occupied and kind of makes me forget that i'm alone. i also have my family. they are not perfect but they're not the worst. they are giving enough love so i was thankful for that.

being an introvert and being a person who is used to be alone makes me stuck in my own world. it made me ignore others. i didnt do that purposely obviously. i just dont know how to handle it. the next thing i remember, i've done it again. and again. over and over again. i feel bad for those people. i really am. 

i sometimes felt like i dont deserve friends. i have this anxiety feeling of how people would think of me. and i hate that. i know there are people who will think i'm such a bitch or something. what can i do. i'm bad with people. and i'm so sorry.

i was grateful i have this blog. at least i can throw my heart out here. 

i think i'm on that time of the month huhu

♪ #nowplaying Fxxk Wit Us by Lee Hi ft. Dok2 

6 comments:

  1. fellow introvert here. It is hard right, trying to be more social and mingling with other people when the only thing you want now is to be alone.

    p/s: my blog is my friend too. hahaha

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  2. intorvert. and i feel you babe. chill. :')

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  3. you're not alone, i am so like you. Afraid to answer call, prefer to be alone, awkward with people, yeah so like me. It feel kinda burdening at first, but i'm used to it. This is who i am :)

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  4. i'm ambivert (jaded in between, but more introvert lulz)

    trust me, it would get better ._. (i believe even you know these aite)

    i used to be soooo like you. i hardly talk to people, because i'm afraid that i would become overly-attached to 'em. then things change, makes some friends here but i still prefer being alone (at time, even in class lulz) and being occupied with my own stuff ._.

    coz, that's how i am and its fine to spend your time alone, k ;DD

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  5. introvert. It's too hard to mix up with people, and we gradually change by times :') we introverted person might have the disadvantage, and it's a big burden on our shoulders. But it's okay when we're not that good with excessive social life :)

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  6. oh my goodness, u having phone phobia? I wrote about this in my blog.

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